missing...

I think that I have been officially in grad school for a month. I am still not adjusted to it and really missing working. I knew that I defined myself by the work, but I feel like with grad school, my hard-work and labor is not enough. It is also tricky because I also feel like I can't articulate myself anymore. I used to be able to speak clearly about my thoughts, but now I can't. Is this due to my age (i hope not), my brain atrophied since college (very likely), content (probable), or fear (very probable). I am totally out of my comfort zone and starting to get impatient about it. I also miss being done working at 6:30 p.m., lazy weekends, and not feeling guilty about going to the grocery store. I swear this week, I lived off of pasta because I wouldn't let myself do the necessities, because I was writing a paper.

I also miss getting a pay check and not the kind that I have been getting recently for the 5-6 hours that I am working. It really feels sad and pathetic, compared to before when it was sad and pathetic. So now, it is really sad and really pathetic. I hate looking at my bank account and thinking about my rent check that is due a day.  I also miss shopping, but that is a #firstworldproblem that I need to get rid of.

I miss summer. I thought that by going to school that I would actually go outside during the day, but I find myself chained to my kitchen table reading concept heavy books and documents. I also miss reading only frivolous things, granted I do try my best to follow my fun/design-y/gossipy blogs. Still addicted to that stuff... Gosh, I hope this gets easier or I become a hell of a lot more patient.

Namaste...